Thursday, December 22, 2011


You know that Wham! song Last Christmas?  I'll be frank with you, it drives me insane.  And it's not because I've heard it three trillion times in the past month, either.  It's because it's stupid and doesn't make any sense.  Before all you die hard Wham! fans jump all over me, hear me out.  The part that drives me the most insane is the chorus:

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Here's what goes through my head every single time I hear this crappy song:  First off, did you give her anything else besides your heart?  Because that might have been your first mistake - you know, giving her a figurative gift instead of something tangible and real.  Romantic or not, she probably wanted SOMETHING, not just your heart.  Just a tip for ya'.

Second off, who the fuck did she go and give it to?  Like anyone else wanted your crummy old heart?!  Never mind the fact that it's not an actual item to start with but really, who did she give it to, huh?  Some hobo on the street?  An elderly woman on the subway?  Did she re-gift it to her Aunt Evie and Uncle Lawrence when they stopped in unannounced?  Was it a friend from work?  Who?  WHO???

Thirdly, did you not learn your lesson last year?  Obviously not, since you're already planning on giving that same shitty, old, used heart to another poor woman this year.  Talk about setting yourself up to fail, dude.  Take my advice, go buy her a nice, tangible gift at the store and include a card - I guarantee you'll have better results.

Finally, you're going to give it to someone special this year, eh?  Who's that gonna' be?  Are they gonna' be more special than that re-gifting slut-bitch from last year?  'Cause I'm thinking she musta' seemed pretty darn special at the time, too.  Or was she not special?  In which case, why the fuck did you give her your fucking heart?  I mean, buddy, it's your LIFE SOURCE.

In closing, maybe you wanna' try not to be such a hussy with your heart, hmmm?

Oh, and PS: We all know it's you who's the slut, George.

Sunday, December 18, 2011


I take off my coat.  I realise how tense I am.  This tumultuous day has taken hold of all the muscles in my neck and shoulders and just tugged and tightened slowly over the hours.  My arms are tight, my legs and feet are tense.  Everything is wound up.  I didn't notice until this moment.


I tell my self I need to relax.  Take some breaths.  Sloooow breaths.  Focus on the breathing.  Nothing else.  Quiet those swirling thoughts.  Power down.  Unwind.  It occurs to do some Progressive Relaxation Techniques so I sit down on the chair in the kitchen, lean back and just focus on relaxing my face, with focus and awareness, from my forehead to my cheeks, to my chin, then my mouth.

Often when I'm really wound up I have to tighten and loosen alternately a few times so I can get a feel for the fully relaxed state of the muscles and get them to stay there.  Tonight, it is hard to get the feel for my muscles as I move through my usual PRT routine.  I refocus, take more breaths.  Always more breaths.  I move to my neck, linger there a while just really appreciating the feeling of those muscles being fully relaxed.  Starting to get into the groove more now.  More breaths.

Shoulders.  Back.  Getting easier to clear my mind.  More breaths.  I imagine I am breathing in light and purity and goodness, relaxation and rejuvenation while I breathe out all my stress, tension, frustration, confusion and fatigue.  I let my body sink into the chair.  I feel the relaxation in my legs, in my calves and my ankles, in my wrists and my fingers.  I lavish in the sensations of total relaxation.  Aaaaaah... It's okay to be here.  It's okay for me to be here.  I can relax.  It's okay to be relaxed.  I breathe in the light and relaxation, breathe out the tension and stress.  Breathe in the light and relaxation, breathe out the tension and stress.  Breathe out the tension and stress.  Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat...

Keep breathing.