Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Parting on the Other Side

Those of you who don't know me in person will have to trust me when I say I change my hair fairly often.  Okay, I change something pretty much every time I get a haircut if I'm honest.  People often ask why I change the colour and style so much and come up with interesting hypotheses like, because I wasn't allowed to when I was a teenager, I crave attention, I don't know who I am, want to mask myself or even if I'm trying to emulate some famous person, "Hey, are you trying to be like Pink or something?"

Maybe there's some subconscious psychological thing going on because I was only allowed to dye my hair natural colours when I was a teenager but I don't have any conscious resentment.  Though I'll likely let my kids colour their hair any colour, I can see why my parents felt natural colours only was a fair rule and don't begrudge them that rule.

Yes, I used to smoke.  For about 15 years, actually.
Smoke-free since September 19, 2009!

Do I crave attention?  Well, I don't make company listen to me sing along to Tina Turner songs and perform dance routines anymore like I did when I was a little girl but sure, I like to stand out in a crowd and be noticed.  I don't think not wanting to blend in is a bad thing, though.  I feel good when I stand out.  I feel unique and interesting and that's a nice way to feel.  I make no apologies for enjoying comments and compliments about my appearance - you shouldn't, either!  It doesn't bother me in the least when a sweet older couple on the bus asks how I get that colour in there or when a child calls out across the grocery store, "Mom!  LOOK!!  That lady has purple hair!"  In fact, I think it's adorable.   

As for knowing who I am or masking myself, I think I have a relatively good idea of who I am at this point in my life...  And masking stuff is just too time and energy consuming for my taste nowadays.  Over the years, I've become less and less concerned about pleasing everyone and more and more concerned with my own opinion of myself.  As Kurt Cobain said, "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not."  My relationship with myself is ongoing, of course, so I'm sure I still have much more to learn in due time.

No, I'm not trying to be like Pink.  I didn't even know what Pink looked like until like, late 2010.  That shit's not on my radar.  This T-shirt is from Value Village.  I pulled it out of the laundry basket this morning, smelled it, tugged at the wrinkles a bit and then put it on.

Truth is, every time I change my hair, I get to look at myself in a new way.  It gives me an opportunity for life change because it's a different or new 'me' looking back in the mirror.  It motivates me to freshen my spirits and work on things I want to grow better at.  It reminds me that I am beautiful and that it's good and right to feel that way.  It reminds me that I am different, unlike anyone else and perfectly me.  And then six to eight weeks later, I can start again.

Today, I felt tired of my hair so I did something I haven't done in years - I parted it on the other side.  It felt really weird at first but through the day, I'd surprise myself when I caught a glimpse in the mirror and then not mind the look.  Soon, I kind of liked it.  Even though I didn't go for a haircut, I'm feeling that 'new car scent'-y kind of feeling right now and I'm going to roll with it.  Had a good night with The Smiler and my mom, got some supplies so I can work on my latest Waldorf doll, The Smiler's sleeping...  And I wrote a blog post!  Something I haven't done since January.  *blushes*

Anyway, my point is, if you're in a funk and want to get into the spring spirit, now's the time to do it!  Consider making just a small change in your appearance to spur you on.  Seeing a physical change can help you get past your own definitions of yourself.

Now, because I worked so hard blogging and thinking about my hair, finding a way to make haircuts into a personal development project, I get a frozen yogurt bar.  Positive Reinforcement for the win!